THE PAIN - ALSO KNOWN AS 'I REMEMBER YOU' is an immersive, monochrome, site-specific installation - consisting of an approximately 55 m2 red-painted surface that runs across the floor and partially across two walls - like an abstract bloodbath - combined with two mirrored sharp shards, a low seating element in the center and a background-sound playing - designed to muffle external noises and shift the focus inward. Due to its minimalism and scale, the work is no longer about the artist or the outside world, but becomes a contemplative space for the viewer. It invites visitors to enter their inner landscape and explore the places where pain resides.

THE PAIN - ALSO KNOWN AS 'I REMEMBER YOU' is rooted in a personal experience of intense physical and mental pain caused by an ectopic pregnancy, however the installation transcends autobiography through its abstraction and becomes a non-judgmental, safe space that invites both solitary and collective reflection. It proclaims a universal human condition: to live is to feel pain - as to love - no one excluded. We are all formed in a womb. We are all made of flesh. 

As background noise, visitors hear the reassuring sound of a heartbeat—as heard in a womb.

Some may find both the work and their own inner feelings too overwhelming and prefer to keep those inner doors closed, but in doing so they run the risk of missing out on the opportunity for temporary or permanent relief and transformation.

THE PAIN – ALSO KNOWN AS 'I REMEMBER YOU' was exhibited at BIG ART in September 2025 and is a continuation of the site-specific work THE EGO – ALSO KNOWN AS 'YOU'RE MINE' that was on display during BIG ART 2024. An entirely black installation that allowed visitors to experience the shadow side of themselves.

A sitting element was added to allow the viewers to remain ‘in’ the immersive red work to contemplate, and to do some ‘inner dipping’ exploration, or simply to escape from the outside world.

To protect the privacy of the visitors, no videos showing people sitting or walking in the installation are shared, but to get an impression of the atmosphere and size, you can observe me spending a moment in the installation.

The site-specific installation was designed in advance, but the actual creation, including preparing the space and painting approximately 55 m2, had to be completed in just three days. As part of the transformative effect of the work, everything was done alone, without any assistance, making it an intense process—given the theme of the work as well as the intensity of the red execution.

As a result, a natural state of fasting arose during the days of the creation process. Probably due to the accumulated energy, the body did not accept food, only the absolute minimum. It also changed the state of being, making only a few hours of sleep possible. At night, the red continued to appear before the eyes and in the mind, penetrating all areas of life. The red became a signal of something greater than the creation.

It turned out that acceptance and surrender were the answer to realising the work. I let myself be guided, and allowed everything to fall into place at the right moment.

In line with the minimalist concept, no artificial lighting was used. The work conveys the idea of accepting the 'real' situation as it is, even if this results in an undesirable appearance. It symbolised the acceptance of unwanted darkness as part of the wholeness of being.

However, the work was rewarded for this approach and the opposite happened. Due to the changing intensity of the outside light, the work came to life and thrived, giving the stage back to the ennobling light.

The ever-changing color red, the surprising light effects, and the shadows were illuminating and mesmerising.

The photo above was taken at 5:59 p.m.

The signs of wear and tear in the wall were cherished, making irregularities reminiscent of raw meat and the human body.

In several holes of the damaged wall, the black background was deliberately left intact to create optical depth and to be subliminally associated with punctures in flesh.

Photo taken at 5:14 p.m.

The sharp points of the mirror shards may, consciously or unconsciously, be associated with knife blades; you can tell that they can cause wounds. The shards point downward, suggesting to ground yourself, penetrating deeper into the self, while potentially stabbing into the flesh. The sharpness of the shards translates the extreme pain caused by the ectopic pregnancy, which tore open and destroyed the oviduct due to the growth of the embryo, leading to massive internal bleeding.

The original mirror shard was found on the street and cherished. Later, it was copied twice by hand for this work: a one-to-one copy of the original shard and a mirrored version to be placed on the opposite wall. Neither shard was made user-friendly, so neither side was polished or slightly sanded, but instead remained as sharp as real broken pieces.

The result was that when applying the shards to the wall, I cut my hand. It didn't feel anything, and my first thought was that it was just some wet red paint, but instead it turned out to be fresh blood. Blood that flows before the oxidation process begins has exactly the same color as the red used for the installation.

No coincidence.

The site-specific installation was designed in advance, taking into account the location and its details, such as the horizontal colored surfaces on one of the walls, caused by traces of different types of wallpaper and devices that used to be installed on the wall of the former hospital.

Photo taken at 7:46 p.m.

When the installation was finished and I had placed the shard on this wall, I took a moment to sit down and experience the work myself. I turned to this side and looked at the shard sticking in the red diagonal figure. It evoked so much inner resistance, I was doubting myself and blaming myself for placing it there, because it ruined the perfectly balanced flow of the red line. It made me so frustrated that I had to cry, only then I realised that this was exactly what the piece was about: allowing myself to experience the inner discomfort, the unwanted situation and truth, because only by accepting the unwelcome can there be relief.

I knew that I had made the work for myself. To make me see this. And to allow myself to be in the womb again, the tormented yet loving womb, my womb.

The photo was taken at 7:54 p.m.

A beam of light, like a divine intervention, appeared out of nowhere (without moving or changing size, it just was) and illuminated the mirror perfectly, as if it were a confirmation. The shard could not have been better positioned—right in the center of the light—with its tip piercing the red surface.

Photo taken at 7:49 p.m.

Detail of one of the mirror shards symbolising inner brokenness and self-reflection, measuring 61 cm in height, placed at eye level.

A video in which I remove one of the shards at the end of the exhibition. Something I found painful to do for symbolic reasons, because it meant removing or even destroying something that was there. It caused inner tension and made me cry the hours before dismanteling. Still, I treasure the remaining pieces, as well as the waste and all the materials I used to create the work. Nevertheless, I had to let go most of it, because I could not take the red work with me, I had to leave it behind, whatever might happen to it. That hurts. It will probably be used temporarily for other purposes at that location. Eventually, it will no longer be visible (but perhaps still tangible) due to renovations and because a new company will be renting the location.

Unlike with other artists, it's as if you’re leaving behind the child you brought into the world so that others can abuse it. That's quite something when it has literally taken you a lot of physical and emotional effort to create it. Yet its body can be demolished and disappear, its soul, the idea of the work—like Plato's theory of ideas—the blueprint of the concept remains, and may come to life again in another location, with a new physical body.

During the four days of the BIG ART 2025 exhibition, this speaker played the background sound of the heartbeat as heard in the womb, without needing to be charged. During dismantling, the speaker continued to play the sound. For the final video, I wanted to film the speaker in the empty red space where the shards and seating element had already been removed, like the remaining soul, the last heartbeats, still present but also almost gone. The goal was to film the speaker and then symbolically turn off the heartbeat sound myself as the final scene of the entire process.

It still gives me chills when I think about it, but when I walked up to the speaker and just before I was about to press the off button, my hand only a few inches away, the speaker stopped on its own. A sign that it was indeed over.

The wall opposite the completely red wall was only partially painted, depicting the flow of blood and creating an interaction with the visible lines of the wall as it was originally. Here, too, sharp graphic points emerge that subliminally can be perceived by the viewer. Visitors could choose which wall to turn to while contemplating, this one or the completely red one.

This photo was taken at 7:37 p.m. as the installation was being dismantled. The mirror fragments on the wall had already been removed, a miracle that the piece on this wall came off without breaking, even when heavy tools were used.

Without the mirror shard, the beam of light is enough to give meaning to the sight. The elevation of what was, the value of emptiness.

Almost like a confirmation from above, agreeing that one of the next works I want to create will be solely about experiencing - The - light.

Photo taken at 7:38 p.m.

During the days of creation, before the BIG ART 2025 exhibition began, everything exuded redness. In those nights when I was awake or in dreams, ideas for new works came to me.

Photo taken in the night at 4:41 a.m.

At the end of the BIG ART 2025 exhibition, visible for a few minutes at 8:17 p.m., photographed from the widow at home, the red moon.